It was the end of the day and I was spent from accomplishing work-related tasks. I certain name popped up in my mind and I went to the search bar but couldn’t find this person. I did the next best thing which was to go to my inbox and scroll down to the last real conversation I had with them.
So I caught myself going down the rabbit hole of deactivated account and old conversations with friends as I backtracked. I found myself wistful as I scrolled through names, dates and profiles of people which are friends, but somehow, time got in the way and we have just stopped asking how the other is doing.
I wondered how I still feel connected and now disconnected at the same time. I evaluated and realized that it was an active choice to not bother people so much as the years went by. I figured, if they wanted to ask how I am, I’m just one click away. Gone were the weekly video calls, i-miss-you’s, and the regular greetings each time some kind of holiday happens.
I didn’t realize how disconnected I had been, especially when I pretty much see how they are doing through instagram stories, facebook live, facebook stories–all their social media activity. I know it is not enough, but somehow, through the years this became enough for me. I do know that your online presence is only what you want the public to know, so there is no way I could know about how someone is doing unless I message or call them.
It was saddening, especially when I went through personal chats with friends whom I felt closer to. I felt as though I’ve become really distant, and somewhat indifferent towards people. Maybe I just got tired being the person who cared, maybe I just got busy or maybe I found more friends–I mean they might have also gone through the same line of thinking, we were all once birds of the same feather after all, am I right?