I have been waiting for time to just sit down and write everything out about my recent trip to Kota Kinabalu, Sabah, Malaysia for the ICPM 2014–a yearly event, a trip I will always look forward to making, for the love of growing and increasing in my walk with Jesus. Like all goals that are never written down in my schedule, I eventually keep postponing it and until I realized that if I didn’t do it now, I will never do it. I haven’t been writing much lately. It is probably why I am so stressed because everything is just piling up inside. Then again, I am here and so I write.
I went to that trip half expecting to receive the confirmation I had been seeking this season–confirmation of whether or not, I am still on the right track. This season, I’ve been asking if I am still on track with what I want to finish in Cambodia, in myself while I am still in Cambodia. It’s not that I’m lost, it’s because I’m loving my life right now and in my opinion, sometimes, if you enjoy too much you might miss the point.
I want to live this life fulfilling my purpose, my call, else, for what have I lived on this earth for?
I do not know about you but I actually want to live a purposeful life.
Another thing I had in mind, was to just pour out everything I’ve got–my time (for people), my talent (of course), which includes my energy (all of it), especially my voice, and of course my tears, my fears, the feelings deep inside, all of which I horded with a year. Yes. It rhymes.
I was tired. I had abandonment issues with regards to ministry and I was only able to look as far as my hurts stretched. My vision with regards to that part of my life was just on me. My focus was ‘me’ this year, not ministering, but being ministered to. But like every worshiper, our duties will not leave us until eternity and beyond.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty strong person. I’ve always kept my head up, even in the face of adversity. That’s exactly it, it’s hard to keep this facade–it was time for me to crash. And crash I did.
It was good that there was an exclusive worship camp for us before the whole conference started. It was refreshing to be surrounded by my people, my people-people. First things, first–we got back to what it is really about–what we’re about. Being musicians, music ministers, worshipers, Levites–why? Why are we still doing what we are doing? Why did we even start?
It is a given that we’re talented, but why choose to serve the Kingdom? So each person around the circle shared their why’s and when it was my turn, in a matter-of-fact tone, I answered, “Because it is who I am.”
Every part of me shouted, “WORSHIPER” and it’s something I’ve always known since I got to know the Lord and took it to heart to follow Him, but I needed to remind myself that. I needed that moment, that moment when I spoke out who I am. I am Adelisa–“Adel/Adele–French origin, Of Nobility/Noble.” “Lisa–Hebrew origin, Set-apart, Consecrated for God/by God.” Coincidence? I think not. I knew of what my name meant in a playful search one night while I was still in freshmen year in uni. I was asking why I had to be named that name because you are what you are called or you are by the name you go by.
I needed to be reminded of that. I was growing tired. My mortal soul, very limited, very weak, very sinful, easily distracted, easily attracted to the world. I needed that moment and when I had that moment, I was refreshed. I was renewed. That’s who I am. That’s why.
In Simon Sineck’s ‘golden circle,’ it is very important to start from the ‘why’ and work your way to the outer circle which is the what. When you know your why, you will always have that energy to do the things you have set out to do. People are driven by reason. People don’t buy what you do, they buy why you do it.–Sineck
It is the same for me. I believe I am walking my life right now because I know my purpose. I am very blessed to have known my call when I was in sophomore year in uni. To this call, I have been holding onto ever since.
That one day with my people was all I ever needed, the rest was just a bonus. Being with my people and looking at the person I’m honing in ministry is proof of God’s word that I am not alone and I will never be. For as long as I hold on to His word on my life, for as long as I allow Him to wrap His love around me, I am whole, for as long as I am at the center of His will, I am on the right track.