“I called, You answered and You came to my rescue and I want to be where You are.”–Hillsong, Came to My Rescue
I was born in a “Christian Family,”–if there is such a thing. I said so because in my opinion it takes your full consciousness and submission to accept Jesus in your life to become one, to become a Christian; and a family may not be called as “Christian” if all the members have not received Christ and are not living a life after His.
I had always been a good child. I went to church regularly, involved myself in the activities of the ministry, I always got good grades, always followed my parents and put the church’s affairs first before others–others, that is quality time with other people other than my family and church friends.
I prayed the sinner’s prayer just as every child of God asking for salvation should. At that time, I was just focused on securing my life for heaven, I prayed to accept Christ in my life, repeated every word like any good child would but I never really understood what it means it accept Christ, I just understood the perks of being saved.
I did good things because I was told it was bad to do otherwise and that it was not what a ‘proper’ Christian would. I did them all mechanically, robotic, self-righteously.
It wasn’t long before I grew tired of this lifestyle. My heart wasn’t in it anymore. I got tired of joining Christian camps because it was always the same–a sportsfest, where other young people from the other branches of my denomination compete and play hard and rough to win because winning always felt good and it showed you bested the rest. The people from other teams who didn’t get awards or prizes would sulk and feel bad. I looked around me and saw that everything was pointless.
I was part of the music team. I was there because there were few people who could sing and it felt good being on stage and showing people that you have a good voice–all performance, no substance, plain showing-off. I was receiving praise from other people it felt good. It felt good to lead, to stand in front, to be the one who people see. But all the praises faded away, I grew tired of ‘working’ my butt off to put on a good show for other people to see–the church was my stage and I was the star.
Just like any other star, the fuel that makes me shine–praises, acknowledgement eventually ran out because I was working for my own, my being, my flesh. I burned-out and didn’t want to get involved anymore. It was pointless. I wondered how something I loved, music, became pointless.
I did everything while quietly judging those around me. I thought I was better than most because I didn’t have vices, I lived a ‘righteous’ life and I was acknowledged by people. I look back and now, I see how I’ve never been so wrong.
When everything became pointless so did my flaws started to show. I was no longer sheltered by the act of pleasing everybody and so people were starting to see me for who I really am–an arrogant, self-righteous hypocrite. It was fun and easy to pin point the mistakes of others, self-righteousness makes you believe in a lie that you are better because you do not do sins, at least those which are far from prying human eyes. I pointed out people’s mistakes explicitly, frankly or behind their backs and I admit, I was ridiculous, ignorant and by all means, stupid. I am not proud of what I did then.
I maybe exaggerating but I remember clearly how I had this point in my life when friends weren’t anymore and I didn’t go to family for the fear of being a burden. I was alone for a period of my life. It wasn’t really surprising, but then, I didn’t know what I did wrong. It was heavy to feel how people stared with loathe and how whispers were knives stabbing your back. I remember praying for God to take me. I was without company, well, none that I can see or even reach out to feel.
Then I found out, Jesus never left me.
When I thought I was alone, when I felt heavy with every bit of pretentious act I did, all my self-righteousness, my hypocrisy and pride, when I wanted to give up and just be rid of everything I felt–I started feeling a most strange thing–love like no other, from love, grace, from grace, forgiveness, from forgiveness, humility, and from humility, confidence.
They say that the people who are hardest to save are those who think they are perfectly fine when they are not. There is a certain merit when it comes to acknowledging that you are in need of help. I was. You knew.
That was why you came when I called for you to take me. I asked you to take me out of this life and yet you gave it back. I understood an inkling of why you chose to sacrifice yourself beyond being the only blameless person I know–it was that there was no answer but you and because of your love–a love that saw beyond its time, fast-forward into the now and even transcending this age I am in.
Through your life, I saw how wrong I was in living mine. You never judged people. You never imposed your beliefs, yourself upon them. All you did was accept them, love on them, treat them like family. You never boasted. You never thought you were better. You touched the lepers, healed the sick, fed the hungry and just loved–you loved even the most unlovely. Heck, you loved me.
There was no other comfort in my solitude but yours. When I called to you, you answered and came to my rescue. Even though I did everything I did for myself when it was supposedly for you, you still loved me. You didn’t require anything, just that I believe you and that in my belief I learn to love you back. You have carried me in your arms since then and you remain faithful through the years my Lord, my King, my Friend.
I live this life because of you. I look to you and how you love on people and so I resolved to do the same because you loved me first, that is why I am capable of loving others. Because of your selflessness, what right have I to be selfish? Because of your service, what right have I to lord over others? You came to this Earth to live a life of love, what right have I not to do the same when you have given the most precious thing of all–your life, for many?
Because of your love, I understood how to love.
I pray that through loving on people, the world may see a reflection of you in me and through me. I pray that as I live and walk on this Earth, that people will be touched by this life. I pray that through this life I’m living, people will see your glory. This, all by your grace, all by your love, all for your glory.
Thank you for the gift of life and giving life to others only found in you My Jesus. Thank you because you lived, you died and you rose again.
I am forever indebted and in love with you,