“I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow
If we let them and we help them in return.”
― Stephen Schwartz
It wasn’t the end but it seemed like it was. You hugged me for the first and last time. After that, I turned to climb the stairs and watched you walk away from the balcony, as you inched away, my heart ached with every step. I knew that things will never be the same.
To the person who asked me if there was going to be live music and promised to return but never did that night,
For all the things and parts of me that you said you liked, I want to tell you that you aren’t so bad yourself. You are a great person. You admit you aren’t perfect, you were never meant to be perfect, you were meant to be you and that is exactly who you are now. You are perfect in the Good Lord’s eyes by just being you.
Let me tell you now, you are not an accident. Joke or not, you are not an accident. You are meant to be on this Earth. God already thought of you even before your parents did. He already knew what you were going to be. He had you in mind, every part of you, because hey, guess what, the Bible says, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. You and I are well thought of, every inch of our being, designed to be the person we are now and the person we will become. I believe I met you for a reason. I believe that reason, whatever it is, is for the good of both of us. You can believe me or not, but do not, for whatever reason, think that you aren’t meant to be in this world. I believe you are also created to inspire, to give life to people, heck, you inspired me, you made me think life isn’t so bad after all. Just having you there, just knowing you makes me want to be better in what I do, it makes me want to live, to open my eyes every day, to be excited for what the future has in store. Never, for one bit, think that you are an accident. You sure don’t look like an accident to me.
I had to let you go because something was far more important than the feelings we were building for each other. I had to let you go because I was being selfish by keeping you and thinking I could find a way around something that meant the world to me. I care for you, that was why I let you go, I cannot bear the consequence of the future if I gave in to these feelings. I want you to be able to go and discover what else is there to discover just like what I am doing. I had to let you go because there are things that are greater than the feelings we have. I had to let you go because God told me that I needed to, because He still had plans for you and me, because He still working in you and me. It was the most difficult thing I had to do this season. Sharp pangs pierce my heart as I am writing these down.
I’m going to write a cliche line, “If we are meant to be, then we’ll eventually find our way to each other no matter what.” If you really think it is already me, you will not stop pursuing me. If you believe that it is me, then you will find me again.
I’m so sorry. You said I finally put back the pieces of your broken heart, only to break it again. I’m sorry. I wanted to keep you. I’m sorry. I had to let you go even if you didn’t want me to. I’m sorry. No words could ever soothe the wounds I’ve caused you. I’m sorry.
Thank you for making a decision to get to know me. Thank you for asking about live music that day. Thank you for reminding that I had met you before. Thank you for being a good sport after knowing that, despite what I said at the pool that day we met again, I only said those words to not embarrass you. Thank you for the chuckles. Thank you for the smiles. Thank you for the moments so precious that I had with you–I wanted to bottle them up and keep them with me for as long as I am breathing. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for holding back judgment and understanding. Thank you for just being you when we were together. I couldn’t have had any moment with you any better.
I pray that if I do get to see you again, you will smile and I would know that it was worth it.