Day 14: Someone you’ve drifted away from

Out and about, floating among the sea of people in the world. I have drifted far-away from lots of people. I seem to have a habit of drifting away.

I realized, people drift away, it’s not just me. People come and go, they might stay but eventually, if they don’t see you as relevant (that was somewhat a harsh word) to their lives, they will go in search for people who will fit their needs for the season. This is not to say that it is wrong, it’s just part of life. As there are new seasons in a person’s life, there are also new people who come with every season.

People are relational beings, I’ve come to realize, it will be difficult if some person they hold dear will drift away. There is no proper closure to drifting away or moving on with life, as long as you are living, you have to move forward and like it or not, you will leave people behind. I believe it is part of life to move forward, cherish the ones you have in your life right now and if you still want to keep them, you have to do the reaching out because sometimes, the feeling isn’t mutual.

I do not want people to look at what i just said as an excuse to drift away from people like, “Oh, it’s but natural, so I’ll just drift away as I please.” No. Definitely, this is not an excuse to leave people behind and move on.

To those who are somewhat affected by the distance between us,

I treasure people. I treasure you. Whoever you are, if you are reading this and you feel somewhat irritated at me for drifting away, I am sorry. I would like to be around you as much as I could, however my choices do require me to go some place else. I am sorry for losing touch. I should have put more effort in keeping the lines open. I have been taken away by the buzy-ness of life and the concept of it that I forget that I need to send a message or drop a call sometimes.

If I did promise to keep in touch, I must have forgotten it along the way. I am sorry. Please remind me and I will make sure to reach out double the effort this time.

There is no proper excuse for drifting away, I can blame the season but I choose not to because I know that my choices are my own. I am sorry for taking you for granted if you feel that I might have done that to you. I have no intentions of doing that to you. You are important. You have value. It’s just I seriously do not know how to take care of relationships at the moment–probably why I do not have an exclusive commitment with anyone yet.

I also find it hard to say ‘I miss you’ or ‘I wish you were here’ because that is not who I am as a person. I rarely speak my true emotions and when I do, I suck at it. I do not know which words to say to temper this overwhelming feeling of loneliness because you are not with me and/or I do not get to talk or see you as often as I’d like. That, and I am scared–I’m afraid that if I do speak my mind, my emotions, I’ll get shutdown because, well, some childhood memories stay with you forever. I am, like most people, afraid of rejection because I have experienced such and it never gets prettier.

I also believe that it is but right to let people go when the time comes they need to go. I do not want to drag anybody in my parade nor do I want to be dragged on. Nobody deserves to be manipulated to stay. No one should be kept from going their own way because we have our own lives to live. I cannot simply be the reason why you cannot fulfill your dreams. I do not want to be your excuse of not pursuing what you want. I understand that we have our own destinies and I do not want to hold you back from yours.

I want you to know that when I noticed that we do not talk often anymore, it was difficult for me. It was extremely difficult if you and I talk to each other ever so often that you have become a habit and your absence has caused this tiny black hole in my heart to appear. I let people go because I want them to be free but it doesn’t mean that it is easy for me to. I am a clingy person, however ironic this revelation may seem now to you.

Know that if you call me ‘friend’ I will always be. I am here for you and will be here when you need me. I did not mean to make that rhyme but as long as I have time, I will be there. If I do not have the time, I will make time for you because you are my friend.

This isn’t a consolation letter for all the while I’ve been absent from your life but this is a letter to remind you that I am here. I am available for you. I will make time for you.

I hope that if you do come across this letter that you will not hesitate to send me a message in any social networking site where we are connected still. I hope that if you do read this your heart will know that I mean every word I said. I hope that if you do read this letter, you’ll forgive me for drifting away.

I wish you good days and adventures ahead.

Cheers to life,

Lisa

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