Day 11: Someone who passed away

“Knowing someone isn’t coming back doesn’t mean you ever stop waiting” ― Toby Barlow

 

Death is probably gives separation that almost permanent feeling. If you are a Christian like me, you were taught that people have a life after death but sometimes, I can’t help but think that this is the only life I might have, the one I am living today. However, you will not lose anything if you believed in an afterlife and harbor hope that the life after this is a better one–no more tears, no more diseases, no more broken hearts, that is if you actually go to Heaven–a place where most people would prefer to picture loved ones who have gone. I am no different from people who have lost loved ones. I always prefer to think that they are in a ‘better place’ and it helps me miss them less intensely because I project an image of them in my head, a very happy one, running through fields of green grass while laughing to their hearts’ content. I picture them happy and I am fine.

Dear Lolo Conrad,

I have very few choices when it comes to people who have moved on from this life and you’d always come to mind. I haven’t thought of you in a while, honestly speaking. I am sorry, I haven’t forgotten you. I could never.

You know, sometimes, I feel like you are still walking on this earth even though you’ve been gone for more than 10 years and people have moved on with their lives. There is no feeling of loss, none of that. I mean, we were never really close,

But there would be times when I’d wonder what if you were still alive on my wedding day? Would you have loved to meet whoever that person is I will wed? Would you give him a difficult time when he talks to you about his intentions? What kind of guy would you want for me?

I didn’t get to have that grown grand kid-grandfather conversation with you about life but I can’t explain this feeling that I can still talk to you or I’d meet you alive and kicking when I come home.

In this letter, I would just like to thank you. Thank you because I just know you tried your best in connecting to family after being absent for many years. When you came home back in ’95 and I saw you for the first time carrying that tin can filled with broas and you were first introduced as my grandfather, recalling all of that now, I could tell you tried, you really tried to be there. Thank you because if you didn’t exist I would not have such an awesome mom.

Thank you for just being the granddad who stayed at home with me because the older kids in the neighborhood didn’t really want to have to drag a little kid like me. You let me watch my cartoons as long as you didn’t have the drama you wanted on tv yet. Thank you because you shared your sweets with me.

I miss you Lolo. I hope that you are in a better place and that you are happy. 

 

Love, 

Lisa

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